Trusting God a Little More and Me a Little Less: Day 12 of My Transformation

This morning as I set out to do my video, I felt like I wasn’t accomplishing the goals I set out to accomplish during my 90-Day Transformation. I wrote notes about what I wanted to talk about this morning. I was supposed to talk about what I want to do when I grow up. And instead, I felt led to talk about the blue energy. In fact, I tried a couple of times to make my morning video and it kept coming back to this.

A while back, I took a productivity training course which I do not regret taking. I decided to take this course after meditation. I was led to it so, I can’t regret it. I learned a lot about time management, getting rid of distractions, and how to get more accomplished. But, at the end of the course, I hadn’t tripled my income or done any astonishing things. This leads me to today.

I was feeling like what the hell are you doing Patty. You’re not accomplishing the goals you set out to do. You’re doing a great job working out and you’re getting better at making YouTube videos but that’s about it. I’ve been sticking with my challenge of doing the videos but didn’t really feel any transformation taking place. I already know I can be self-disciplined and stick through things.

Today I talked about God and how and part of how I found the blue energy. The thing is, I didn’t discover the “blue energy” at 18. It was after many years of meditating and reaching a point in my life where I stopped having faith. I discovered the blue energy during a period in my life when I stopped believing in God, stopped having hope, and had no reason to be alive.

So today I talked about the blue energy, my faith, and a little about what it means. I worked out. I felt like I was going to pass out or die doing it, but I did it. Then I meditated.

It was the most powerful meditation I have had in a while. A long time back, I had a dream about being a hybadid. I still don’t know exactly what it means. It was a made-up word from a dream. But, I think it means being magically connected with God and the Universe. Today’s meditation was about love and how you share God’s love.

 1 John 4:7-8 Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love.

This verse goes on to talk about how much God loved the world.

My meditation was powerful, and it made me realize that “transformation” isn’t all about achieving a goal. I believe I am accomplishing what I set out to do with my challenge.

I heard a quote a while back that said, “You preach a better sermon with your life than your lips.” I’ve tried to write a book about my life. I have tried to blog about my spirituality. But, I always feel like I’m not ready to teach the class. I often say to myself, “You can’t teach the class when you haven’t learned the lessons.”

Well, I have learned a lot of lessons, about what brings you peace and happiness and what doesn’t, about humility, about compassion, and about loving yourself as much as you love other people.

Leadership, “teaching the class”, isn’t about lectures, bragging, criticizing, or condemnation. It’s about setting the example. I may not be ready to teach the class, but I am ready to trust God. In today’s meditation, I was profoundly told that faith is about trusting God and following him down the path even though you don’t know where he’s taking you.

So today’s goal. Trust God in everything I do. Don’t worry about the material goals because they don’t really matter. Sometimes the transformation you need is not reaching goals that YOU accomplish, but trusting God to lead you down the road of life, wherever it might take you.

The Girl with the Blue Energy



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