Sigh, debating on how much I care about search engine optimization. As an SEO consultant, and blogger, writing stuff that gets found in Google means traffic to your blog. As a creative free spirit, and genuine blogger, writing what I want to say is more important. My goal for this blog is to blog every day. I want to write “articles” but I also want to have an online journal that I write on every day. It’s a goal. I missed yesterday because I had nothing to say. I wasn’t inspired, meditation didn’t give me much, but today I got a lot out of meditation.
I woke up with morning depression. I have this happen all the time and it’s something I have been trying to learn how to deal with. Sometimes the depression goes away by mid-day, but sometimes it lingers for days. I always refer to this as aliens visiting. Last week I meditated about having “coffee with the aliens’. Apparently, I didn’t blog about it, but what I mean by that is learning how to have company with the aliens but not let them take over your life. Let them visit, but don’t let them wreak havoc. Basically, learning to accept depression as part of your life and stop fighting with it. Let it come and let it go.
Well this morning, I woke up with another headache and morning depression. My headaches and moods seem to go together. When I meditated I told my spirit guide, I need a teacher. I don’t have anyone to help me. I have lots of mentors but none with bipolar disorder. I saw myself in a classroom and my spirit guide was teaching the class. She told me to start taking notes.
Then I saw the classroom filled with aliens, all sitting at their desks. I thought, “I don’t want to kill them.” I found this peace with them — like I don’t want to kill you. You’re visiting for a reason. She told me to start studying them. I have been journaling regularly. I have tried to destroy the aliens, fight the aliens. I have tried all kinds of strategies, but they always come back. And with my bipolar, there’s a little bit of a pattern to it. I always know when their coming. Usually, when I have been “happy” for too long. It’s a cycle -up, down, up, down. Us bipolar people like to stay manic to avoid visits from the aliens. But it doesn’t work.
So today she told me to start an alien tracker. And that’s what I’ve done. I am going to start documenting as many things as I can to see if I can figure out some patterns. What makes the aliens come out and play. Can I see a visual pattern? Is there anything I can do to change the cycles?
My depression cycles have disrupted my life for so long. I am not trying to beat it. I am trying to study it and learn from it. I don’t think we have studied the dynamics of depression enough. It’s more than just taking a pill. There has to be some scientific explanations for this. Anyway, I am logging my aliens. I will report back later with my findings.