Making time for my transformation is definitely cutting into the work time I need to actually make my transformation happen. I do not want to be all smoke and mirrors and show. In other words, I do not want my progress to be measured by what kind of blog posts or YouTube videos I can make. I want to see real tangible results from my hard work — which means not just making myself cool videos and pep talks.
So last night I was feeling tired from the grind. It’s a familiar feeling of damnit why is this so hard. I was trying to write something for a client. And, I am always writing content. This blog (and my blog on Badass Web Goddess) is the only content that I get to write that I really enjoy.
I set a goal to get all her content written before I went to bed and I didn’t even finish the first part I needed to do. My shoulder hurt. My hands were aching from the carpal tunnel in my hands and I was getting nowhere. I was angry with myself. You cannot force creativity. It happens at it’s own pace. It’s not like washing dishes or mowing the lawn. I try to be productive and get shit done, but creativity just doesn’t work that way.
I didn’t want to quit writing but I decided that I wasn’t getting anywhere and one of the best things I have done for my pain is to cut down on my computer time. So, I went for a walk. I stretched and I meditated. I could immediately feel the pain leave my body.
Yesterday, I talked about the fact that God gives us little miracles and signs all the time. As my fiance and I were headed to the store yesterday, I watched as a badass yellow corvette drove by. Seriously. And I knew that was for me.
I sat outside last night. I wrote something for myself yesterday. This is what it said.
I show you signs all the time babe. The yellow corvette that drove by was for you.
That magical moment that you remember of smelling the grass and watching the deer walk by — You can have that anywhere.
Patty, I brought you to the most beautiful state in the country. Smell the air. See the mountains. Watch the sunset. These are the moments you treasure.
Always remember you provide the faith. I provide the miracles.
Stay in your lane babe.
The Girl with Blue Energy