How to Stop Being a “Love-Hard” Girl

Today on Facebook a friend was posting about \”love-hard\” girls. My daughter likes to call them \”try-hards\”.  You know what I am talking about? Do you like to smother your man in love?  Annoy him with a million text messages a day? Suffocate him in your amazing love? You might be a love-hard girl.  I have a male friend that has informed me that I am very high-maintenance. Who knew? Us high-maintenance girls sure do know how to love hard, but does any guy actually want this? Nope.  Here\’s what a guy wants. He wants to be ignored. Scientific studies have actually shown that ignoring a man raises his testosterone levels and actually turns him on. Go ahead and Google it.  (; With that in mind, let\’s talk about how to stop being a \”love-hard\” girl.

How to stop loving him hard

Do you want a co-dependent, suffocating relationship?  If you do, keep on being that love-hard girl. Look, I love hard. But, you can keep some balance and have a healthy relationship with a guy by being a little more independent.  SInce this is something I have been actively working on, I decided to blog about it.

If you love hard, keep it quiet

I have never followed my own advice. I prefer for every man that dates me to know what he\’s getting into. I am a total weirdo and you\’re going to have to deal with it sooner or later.  I love hard!  \”If I kiss you I love you.\”  It is my motto.  However, the drawback to loving hard is you might end up with a clingy fruitloop of your own. If you are interested in a solid, secure, independent man, that isn\’t going to be too needy or crazy, you might want to keep that tidbit about your love all to yourself, or better yet, work on it! Emotionally stable men tend to run fast from the love-hards!

Replace that I love you with I like…

I like your smile. I like the way you make me feel. I like kissing you.  I like talking to you.  I like you… LIKE YOU. LIKE YOU.

Text, wait, text

If you are incapable of waiting for him to text you back, just throw that phone in the trash!  Texting anxiety is real, but not everyone is going to sit at their phone and text you all day. Don\’t be demanding about a guy\’s attention.  It\’s a turn off.  Don\’t lose your crap because they are posting on Facebook and not talking to you. It\’s no big deal. Maybe they just aren\’t in the mood for a conversation or they are busy.  Find something else to do!  If you have nothing to do, write in a journal in between texts.

Don\’t play games

It might be tempting to play hard to get.  You can try to hide that \”love-hard\” side of you, but don\’t play games. Most people appreciate someone being genuine.  Playing games almost always backfires.  A man doesn\’t need you to trick him into thinking you\’re someone you\’re not. Be yourself, but don\’t drive him crazy with manipulation or childish schemes.

Go through the motions

Do not let a relationship disrupt your routines or your life.  Eat, sleep, do your job, and keep your daily routines going.  Even if you are \”lovesick\”, you have to take care of you first.  Get up, brush your teeth, go to the gym, etc. Put him on the backburner if you need to.  It is hard to separate your emotions, especially if you are an empath like me, but if you ever want a healthy relationship, you have to.

Love yourself

Love yourself enough to walk away from someone who isn\’t right for you.  Sometimes two people are not on the same wavelength.  When there is a spark, there\’s a spark. Being yourself should make him like you more. If he doesn\’t, there is not much you can do.  You really do have to learn that self-love first.

Don\’t expect him to fill all your emotional needs

We all have emotional needs. Your love basket should be filled by more than one person and thing.  Have your own life, your own friends, and things that make you happy.  All your love shouldn\’t be gotten or given to one person.  If you are not there yet, work on you first. This means taking your time when jumping into relationships, seeing a therapist, or staying single for a while first.

I am still working on being a more emotionally independent woman.  It\’s okay to love someone, but it\’s important to learn how not to be a \”clingy\” girlfriend or lover.  If you want a healthy relationship, you have to work on you first.