Maybe you are like me. I think I am a smart, attractive, cool and confident girl, but when it comes to dating I suck. I meet you. I kiss you. I lose my flipping mind. Women, like men, have their own way of putting up a guard. I am the “unicorn” behind the curtain. I refer to myself on Facebook as a badass goddess. I workout. I look good. I am smart and sexy, and I know it. I am by all appearances a confident alpha female, yet here I am finally liking a guy and about to mess it all up with you got it — the dating anxiety loop. If you have ever been part of this crazy loop you know how it goes.
When I like a guy I completely lose my mind and I do not enjoy the whole awkward dating game. Ya know how it is played… Oh he didn’t text me back. Let’s text him again a million times. Then have a freakout because he hasn’t texted me back. And then freak the guy out some more by freaking out about said freak out. Sound familiar? So I am here to talk you through the dating anxiety loop and tell you how to play it cool, even when you suck at it.
Tip One. Go Slow.
Repeat after me go slow!!! Do NOT tell him every detail of your life, or previous relationships, or how crazy you are all at one time. I suck at this one so if you suck too, skip ahead to Tip Four.
Tip Two. Blow up your bestie’s phone not his!
Have an arsenal of friends, or at least one good bestie, to have your back when you are dating. Having someone to calm your nerves is important. Instead of texting hot dude, text your bestie. She knows you and isn’t going to be freaked out by a million text messages all at once. I suck at this one too. So, if you have already failed at this. It’s alright, just skip ahead to Tip Four.
Tip Three. Texting anxiety is real.
In this day and age it seems that everyone is glued to their phones, but believe it or not, many people are slow texters and it does NOT mean they don’t like you. Try not to freak out when he doesn’t text you back right away. There could be a million reasons why.
Tip Four. Don’t sweat it.
Now that you have made it to tip four, either successfully or unsuccessfully. Back up. If you have already moved too fast, don’t sweat it. At this point, all you can do is let it go, give a little space and hope that he still likes you. Freaking out about freaking out is only going to add to the anxiety loop.
Tip Five. Love yourself.
No matter how you are at dating, remember you don’t suck. You have anxiety. It’s normal. Love yourself, accept that you are human, and if he’s a good guy hopefully he will get to know you better.
Tip Six. Distract yourself.
If you are like me and have anxiety, the waiting will drive you insane. Don’t sit around and wait for him. Find something to do. Work, exercise, watch a movie, take a drive, catch up on your laundry. Do something!
Tip Seven. Give it time.
Don’t expect him to know instantly how he feels. Give him time. Let him process things. If there is a spark, he will be in touch.
Tip Eight. Let him chase you.
Let him sweat it out instead of you. Don’t make yourself too easy or too available. You may kill the excitement. Dating, after all, is about the chase. Make him chase you!
Tip Nine. Be patient and wait.
Dating allows someone to get to know the actual you, and not the person you present to the world. Getting to know someone naturally comes with anxiety. Try to be patient with him and with yourself. And if you suck at playing it cool, like I do, just don’t sweat it. He is not the only fish in the sea. If it doesn’t work out, learn from your mistakes, and don’t worry about it. Most people are different when under stress, and dating, can of course be a stressful experience. Don’t worry if you screw up. While it may suck to lose an opportunity with a guy you like, it really is NOT the end of the world. Remember that. You are human and you don’t suck.
Tip Ten. When all else fails, screw it.
If you open yourself up and he doesn’t like you the same way you like him, or doesn’t write you back. Screw it. You are still awesome. Don’t let dating anxiety screw up your confidence.
4 thoughts on “How to Play it Cool When You Suck at Dating”
You got this
oh this is such a hard thing for me to do! Especially not letting it get to me! I am so insecure even though I might not text back, I cannot stop checking to see if he read the message or has been online! I drive myself crazy.
Thanks so much for your comment. It is a hard thing to deal with. I have really bad anxiety. I am trying to write more posts about this.